We're living in an age of accelerated growth, within a society which is designed to keep us distracted from ourselves. We're not only disconnected and disengaged from our fellow humans, but also ourselves. With so much changing around us, physically, mentally and emotionally, our spiritual self can be the constant home we reside in and come back to. But do you know who you are within?
Do you know who you are when you're alone? Who you are when you're surrounded by nature, the only human in sight? Or who you are in darkness, with the only sound around you, your breath? Do you know who you are at your highest highs, and when you're lying on the floor of grief? Are you, you, in every given moment? And with each moment feeling so different from the last - who is the you who witnesses and experiences each of these moments, who feels the human spectrum of feelings and thoughts, and who continues throughout, from one moment to the next?
Think back to yourself 20 years ago. Is that the same you as who you are now? Is there an essence, a spark, that is carried on? Or are you completely different?
Each cell in the human body changes every 7 years. On a physical level, you undergo a complete transformation during that time, so that not one cell of who you physically are, remains.
If we are physically completely changing in cycles of seven years, then what is it that we carry forth to who we are in this moment? If we understand that the way of all natural things on this Earth is to change, transform and regenerate, then the inquiry may lead to 'what am I psychologically and emotionally holding on to that disguises me from who I really am?'
If we were to let go the way nature does, the way our bodies physically do, could we embody our true essence more purely in every given moment? Transformation is occurring at every level of our being, even in this given moment. Close your eyes and sit with this for a little time. Each cell is vibrating, transforming, each thought is moving, changing, each feeling is flowing towards and passing away.
So who are you? Who is the constant that witnesses the change, who witnesses the years, who you always are despite it all - who you come home to?
When we're swept up in thoughts, events, emotions and daily distractions, our access to our source is very limited. We come from the ocean so let's go back there for an analogy. Most of our lives we spend swimming, bobbing or drowning in the waves of thoughts, events, emotions and distractions. They are all necessary parts of our human experience. Sometimes these waves are gentle, sometimes they come as a tsunami. Underneath these waves, in a calm, deep, vast, expansive ocean. It is here we return when we meditate. It is here where our deepest inner knowing and the source of who we are resides. And whilst it's not always possible to stay in those calm depths each moment of our daily lives, what we need is to cultivate is the wisdom of knowing in every moment that this space is always below our waves, no matter how they thrash or lull.
Your meditation practice if one doorway to this space. With a daily practice, you strengthen your conscious awareness that this infinite space of calmness and clarity exists, and is far greater than any singular experience or feeling. It is in this place that we can ask these big questions of 'who am I?', 'what do I need?', 'am I on my path?' - or the ability to drop all questions and simply reside in this place of immense spaciousness.
There are many doors to this space. It may be through creativity, art, movement, song, silence and meditation. Seek out those practices which bring you calmness and clarity. Do the things which bring you to a space where the quiet language of peace resounds and you need not do anything in response. Where you are connected to something innately human, yet far greater than the confines of your mind. And where, from this space, you begin to see the world again with wonder.
When you meet yourself in the spaces in between, in the depths of your being, then you begin to find out who you really are. And no one can tell you the answer, it is a journey only for you.
Words by Kirilly Dawn